Now and Zen

Economics, compulsive spending, recycling, minimizing impact on our world - all very heady issues. But I need to break it down to the personal choices and daily struggles just to reinforce the macro issues at the micro level.

I am a consumer. Admittedly so. I just hate the term. This brings to mind PacMan gobbling up resources, never giving back.

If you take it to the extreme, everything we do is consuming something - energy, food, money, toiletries, clothing, all this endless stuff we fill our homes and lives with. I have a habit of overconsuming food, trade paperbacks, wine, and some prescription drugs. I am a glutton - I do not have a recognizable satiety point.

For instance, I just had a bowl of lovely Trader Joe's Pecan Praline Granola. It was fabulous - not too sweet, crunchy and satisfying, lots of fiber. Too bad it was my second giant bowl today. It's an automatic thing - if it's good, then more makes it better. And if I'm emotionally overeating, more makes it all better. And I'll find I'm doing this shortly after I realized I wasn't hungry in the first place. There's a troublesome lack of integrity here - a gap between what I think and how I choose to act. A dis-integration, which is never good for the self-concept.

Here's a link to a thought-provoking article about a couple trying to live well and eat healthfully on the equivalent of a foodstamp budget. Well worth reading!

http://www.latimes.com/features/food/la-fo-stamp11-2009mar11,0,5424533.story

The author and his wife did 2 months, barely made it under budget, even starting with a well-stocked pantry. But the lesson endures - having bagel sandwiches at a bistro now seems ridiculously decadent. Once made aware of habits that seemed so automatic before, it's nearly impossible to be anything but changed.

I must admit that I do enjoy grocery shopping more now because it is the only guilt-free purchasing I do anymore. And to be honest - it's not always guilt free. I compare prices, look for sales, shudder inwardly at how much a piece of cheese costs now. It seems that I cannot walk out of a grocery store for under $40, even if I'm just picking up a few items. I also have to be aware of my food choices, talking myself out of gooey brownies or that pint of Ben n' Jerry's that no, is not meant to be a single serving. It seems that deprivation in one area encourages indulgences in others... All this mindfulness can be rather tiresome.

I do, however, deliberate for a very long time on what bath soap to choose. It's a permitted indulgence, and I for some reason really really hate Ivory soap, which is the only one Bob ever buys. I don't care if it floats. I'm looking for clean skin, not a freakin' life jacket.

There was a point here, sort of...
(I had to take a brief break to perform CPR on a life-size stuffed penguin.)

By minimizing the options for what I can buy, I am more aware of the choices I make within the category of consumables. Even though they won't be around in my world for more than a shelf-life, I debate more what I want and naturally want less. It's sort of Zen, really. And some days it actually works.