We're back from a visit to the Temple of Consumption, a.k.a. Mall of America. I usually just call it the Sprawl of America, as it is only fitting. It is beyond huge.
It was a rainy, cool day and the plans to visit the waterpark got cancelled. Lily has been asking daily to go to the mall and I'm not really sure why. And lately, she puts on her most piteous expression and recounts the cumulative "no's" for the last week or so, like an indictment of the Mother of all Wet Blankets. I've got a lot on my mind and am an easier mark than usual. Kids are pack animals; they can smell fear. So I gave up and gave in.
The best time to get to the MOA is early - as in AARP/Mallwalkers early. It's enjoyable to window shop (which is still an allowable though tempting offense) without the crowds. I used an 80 point pass for the amusement park I had purchased in March 2008 - before the rates went up from high to astronomical. ($3 for a carousel ride? Seriously?) So we felt well-provisioned and the kids got to do lots of rides, but the actual money was spent so long ago it no longer stung. After that, we wandered up to the food court for McD's. It's an increasingly rare indulgence - and I haven't been correcting them when they refer to fast food restaurants as "fat food."
And then - we left. Without incident or whining, or purchasing anything besides lunch. In the hallowed halls of the MOA, this is sacrilege. I was a bit tempted - most stores had huge sales of 50% off, and I do love a bargain. There were several shops going out of business, with lots of grumpy-looking people shopping thru half-empty stores reminded me of scavengers, which is just another form of consumption, when you think of it...
But walking around with two kids is a shopping deterrent in and of itself. Maybe I'll rent them out as part of aversion therapy. Or perhaps they can help increase the aerobic activity of the mallwalkers.
I may have a touch of sancti-mommy, but it's all for the greater good.
Showing posts with label voluntary simplicity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label voluntary simplicity. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
You never can tell!
Just today I managed to get the garage sale clothes out of the dryer and into rotation for the kids, namely L who is a lot tougher to buy for as her size is weird and her tastes vary daily. And there is no discernible transition time - yesterday she liked yellow uniform blouses paired with skorts, today only red polos and jumpers will do. She's not exactly a morning person so you can imagine the scene as I'm sifting thru laundry, clean and not-so-very, as she whines about having to wear that dumb whatever.... I was taken aback when she liked 5 out of 6 items, and kindly suggested I wear the discarded pullover as "that's really more your green than mine."
At the St. Mark's garage sale I was able to pick up a couple of uniform skirts for $1 each, with room to grow. Someone in the parish has a pretty hefty clothing budget, because I snapped up two pullovers and one embroidered cardigan from Hanna Andersson. Love the clothes but rarely find a sale good enough to justify purchasing them first-hand. They seem nearly impossible to wear out, too. We were lucky to have one of the Grandmothers take the kids on a shopping spree last fall - by far their favorite clothes, and ones I'm not embarrassed by. (Do clothes shrink en route to church? Even though I check before we leave, I always seem to be walking in with my son in high-waders and my daughter with a bare midriff. Yeesh.)
X has managed to catch up or eclipse those kids around that used to keep us flush with hand-me-downs, but is a lot less picky so I think we'll be fine. Plus our traveling Grandpa keeps him in quite the t-shirt collection, featuring dragons and tuk-tuks and the occasional panda bear. I had bought some cute shorts over the last year so we're set for summer. Even though they go barefoot every chance they get, we're good on sandals. (I know it's lame to buy things in advance and store them, but it really has saved me over the years. And the kids get so excited when they finally get to wear those darling violet Mary Janes that have been lurking in the closet...) I did get some puddle boots for X, on e-bay, for $10 and they are quite the hit.
Bob did buy another stereo for his car (4th? 5th?) at $100. He thought briefly about buying a used one but realized that that's probably supporting the industry of folks who have been stealing his car stereos for years now. And he bought some computer software for X to help with the Kindergarten skills. And some train movies...
Seeing as my 40th birthday and Mothers Day occur on the same day, I informed Bob that in the spirit of simplicity, estate and antique jewelry was just fine with me. He chose not to hear that one, claims he doesn't read the blog, so if you see him - remind him!
So not buying anything new just got a whole lot easier, thanks to the return of the garage sale season. The forecast on my self-control, not quite so promising. Hopefully the heady novelty of seeing neighbors and pawing through other people's crap will wear out soon enough.
At the St. Mark's garage sale I was able to pick up a couple of uniform skirts for $1 each, with room to grow. Someone in the parish has a pretty hefty clothing budget, because I snapped up two pullovers and one embroidered cardigan from Hanna Andersson. Love the clothes but rarely find a sale good enough to justify purchasing them first-hand. They seem nearly impossible to wear out, too. We were lucky to have one of the Grandmothers take the kids on a shopping spree last fall - by far their favorite clothes, and ones I'm not embarrassed by. (Do clothes shrink en route to church? Even though I check before we leave, I always seem to be walking in with my son in high-waders and my daughter with a bare midriff. Yeesh.)
X has managed to catch up or eclipse those kids around that used to keep us flush with hand-me-downs, but is a lot less picky so I think we'll be fine. Plus our traveling Grandpa keeps him in quite the t-shirt collection, featuring dragons and tuk-tuks and the occasional panda bear. I had bought some cute shorts over the last year so we're set for summer. Even though they go barefoot every chance they get, we're good on sandals. (I know it's lame to buy things in advance and store them, but it really has saved me over the years. And the kids get so excited when they finally get to wear those darling violet Mary Janes that have been lurking in the closet...) I did get some puddle boots for X, on e-bay, for $10 and they are quite the hit.
Bob did buy another stereo for his car (4th? 5th?) at $100. He thought briefly about buying a used one but realized that that's probably supporting the industry of folks who have been stealing his car stereos for years now. And he bought some computer software for X to help with the Kindergarten skills. And some train movies...
Seeing as my 40th birthday and Mothers Day occur on the same day, I informed Bob that in the spirit of simplicity, estate and antique jewelry was just fine with me. He chose not to hear that one, claims he doesn't read the blog, so if you see him - remind him!
So not buying anything new just got a whole lot easier, thanks to the return of the garage sale season. The forecast on my self-control, not quite so promising. Hopefully the heady novelty of seeing neighbors and pawing through other people's crap will wear out soon enough.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
time v. money, the rematch
The best part of being a stay-at-home mom, I've always said, has been the liberal vacation policy. Provided the kids come along for the ride, of course. My crowning parental achievement will probably be my undoing, but it's the 4 wk. road trip each summer - the east coast tour. The kids have become incredibly good travelers - flexible, open to adventure, abstaining from kicking the seat, and being lulled by way too many on-board videos. Solo parenting is actually easier with the frequent change of scenery - we never stay anywhere for more than two days if it's not equipped with grandparents or Most Favored Aunts. Honestly - without the road trip, we wouldn't see anyone, but this way we see everyone - although not for long. Three airfares, rental car and meals - not to mention hotels - is brutal. And then you're limited to the city you fly into, instead of the lower 48 and our beloved Canada. So taking 3 days to drive to New York starts to look pretty good. Especially if we visit friends and family, and do fun side trips en route. And if a child is having a massive temper tantrum, it's possible to pull the car over and give mommy a time out from the purely hypothetical misbehaving troll. (If you're in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, within 5 minutes at least 3 helpful elderly men in plaid will stop and kindly offer assistance.) This is unlike the Friendly Skies, which quickly turn hostile unless you offer to buy drinks for surrounding rows lucky enough to be seated nearby your sleep-starved children channeling Satan as you sit on the tarmac for 4 hours. I can barely get through security without tears or a Xanax. 3600 miles in a Toyota starts looking pretty good...
For the record, I love our car. But lately I am covetous. Luckily the car I want doesn't yet exist, so the longing remains purely theoretical. I want a non-mini van with mini-van amenities (add'l seats option), hybrid, and preferably metallic orange. I really can't explain.
Anyhoo, even with the occasionally high gas prices, and way too many pre-packaged shut-up snacks and animated musicals, the road trip is the reasonable alternative. Or at least it was. Turns out that this year both time and money aren't incredibly abundant... or so it seems.
We sat down with the summer calendar last nite and looked at options. We have a few things already booked - church camp, kindergarten boot camp for X. As it would be nice for our family vacation to actually include all 4 family members, we're needing to work around ... work. Bob is a lot more essential lately (yay, job security! boo, stress.), and the idea of being gone 2 wks. and attempting to catch up is distinctly unappealing. We're looking at long weekends, at best. And although it may be traditional for psychoanalysts to take the month of August off, my fledgling private practice doesn't really qualify. Neuroses don't take a holiday. At least mine don't.
The envelope please..... Wisconsin, here we come. Camping, water parks, mini golf, the works. We may even take a boat trip touring the Apostle Islands. It's all good - the strategic, tactical staycation. Driving less than 500 miles per day will be disorienting but good for the environment.
It's a bummer though - basically knowing we're not going to spend quality time with friends and family, unless they come here. And the kids talk about roadtrips as a summertime given. But we'll be open to options of abundance, even in the old backyard. Although the weeds tend to outnumber the berries, at least on our block.
On the bright side, I haven't been around for the peonies to flower for 3 years. I've almost forgotten the smell, somewhere between home-perms and sweat socks. And we're keeping perspective here: we have a home and jobs to leave behind. It's not like this is a hardship, it's just slightly scaled-back vacation. Sheesh. We have good fortune in abundance.
Objects in mirror are larger than they appear.
For the record, I love our car. But lately I am covetous. Luckily the car I want doesn't yet exist, so the longing remains purely theoretical. I want a non-mini van with mini-van amenities (add'l seats option), hybrid, and preferably metallic orange. I really can't explain.
Anyhoo, even with the occasionally high gas prices, and way too many pre-packaged shut-up snacks and animated musicals, the road trip is the reasonable alternative. Or at least it was. Turns out that this year both time and money aren't incredibly abundant... or so it seems.
We sat down with the summer calendar last nite and looked at options. We have a few things already booked - church camp, kindergarten boot camp for X. As it would be nice for our family vacation to actually include all 4 family members, we're needing to work around ... work. Bob is a lot more essential lately (yay, job security! boo, stress.), and the idea of being gone 2 wks. and attempting to catch up is distinctly unappealing. We're looking at long weekends, at best. And although it may be traditional for psychoanalysts to take the month of August off, my fledgling private practice doesn't really qualify. Neuroses don't take a holiday. At least mine don't.
The envelope please..... Wisconsin, here we come. Camping, water parks, mini golf, the works. We may even take a boat trip touring the Apostle Islands. It's all good - the strategic, tactical staycation. Driving less than 500 miles per day will be disorienting but good for the environment.
It's a bummer though - basically knowing we're not going to spend quality time with friends and family, unless they come here. And the kids talk about roadtrips as a summertime given. But we'll be open to options of abundance, even in the old backyard. Although the weeds tend to outnumber the berries, at least on our block.
On the bright side, I haven't been around for the peonies to flower for 3 years. I've almost forgotten the smell, somewhere between home-perms and sweat socks. And we're keeping perspective here: we have a home and jobs to leave behind. It's not like this is a hardship, it's just slightly scaled-back vacation. Sheesh. We have good fortune in abundance.
Objects in mirror are larger than they appear.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Putting the FUN in fundraising
I have two fundraisers today, one for each kid's school. Both offer an opportunity to dress up. At the kids' disco, yours truly gets to don the awesome Hello Kitty suit, complete with oversized head, girly-girl shoes. Tonight the St. Mark's gala has a pirate theme, so I'd been on a mission to accessorize accordingly.
It's taken several visits to thrift stores but yesterday I was able to score skeleton earrings, a piece of fabric for a sash, and the all-important parrot. I was able to stitch together some cool fabric for a headscarf, borrow a cutlass, and make some hoop earrings and a necklace of gaudy beads. Because we know that pirates are all about the bling... I felt pretty good about my outfit. I had given it some thought, managed to procur it only by borrowing and thrifting, and it was on the fine line between semi-slutty and fun. Until I tried it on.
Ah, well. I have a lovely, reversible bustier from my days of Renaissance Fest and Morris Men. It was to complete the look. Apparently I've been in denial about a.) how long ago were those erstwhile days and b.) how much poundage I'd acquired since then. Nothing like a body-image bitch slap to bring you to reality. Perhaps if I had much longer laces and a maidservant to wrestle me in - and didn't have that pesky need to breathe - I could have pulled it off. So I've had to develop plan B (more like DDD) and it's ...okay. Provided the lighting is dim, I remain standing at all times, and much wine is involved, I'll probably look pretty good.
Back to the main point of today: fundraising. That's a touchy subject in the world of voluntary simplicity. If we're cutting back and have more money, we should be able to honor or exceed our usual charitable giving. But we're in a cash crunch right now. We're still reeling a bit from our Florida trip, and have had a bunch of expenses come due simultaneously - seminars, registration for school, car insurance, credit cards. And the visit to the tax man wasn't exactly reassuring.
The kids disco isn't too much of a challenge - I bought a bunch of tickets to give away, but everyone seems to be busy! And we can spend some reasonable amount on snacks, face painting, and the all-important photo op with - ahem! - Hello Kitty. These are all experiences vs. stuff, and basically affordable. Bob is providing the sound system and music, and the kids are really looking forward to dancing and seeing their friends.
The tough part will come with the Gala tonite, and the silent auction. The catalog is filled with many tempting items that probably won't be cheap. There are a few experiences (gift certificates, tickets, etc.) and we'll try to focus on those. I have the impression that we're not the only ones cutting back this year, and I worry about how well the fundraiser will turn out. I'll sit down with Bob today and come up with a budget and some parameters. Of course the last time I tried that, I had a few too many martinis and didn't realize how many things I was bidding on and didn't I just "win" them all ! The gift certificates are still here, but now they've expired.
Aaaarrrrgh. Them's the breaks, matey!
It's taken several visits to thrift stores but yesterday I was able to score skeleton earrings, a piece of fabric for a sash, and the all-important parrot. I was able to stitch together some cool fabric for a headscarf, borrow a cutlass, and make some hoop earrings and a necklace of gaudy beads. Because we know that pirates are all about the bling... I felt pretty good about my outfit. I had given it some thought, managed to procur it only by borrowing and thrifting, and it was on the fine line between semi-slutty and fun. Until I tried it on.
Ah, well. I have a lovely, reversible bustier from my days of Renaissance Fest and Morris Men. It was to complete the look. Apparently I've been in denial about a.) how long ago were those erstwhile days and b.) how much poundage I'd acquired since then. Nothing like a body-image bitch slap to bring you to reality. Perhaps if I had much longer laces and a maidservant to wrestle me in - and didn't have that pesky need to breathe - I could have pulled it off. So I've had to develop plan B (more like DDD) and it's ...okay. Provided the lighting is dim, I remain standing at all times, and much wine is involved, I'll probably look pretty good.
Back to the main point of today: fundraising. That's a touchy subject in the world of voluntary simplicity. If we're cutting back and have more money, we should be able to honor or exceed our usual charitable giving. But we're in a cash crunch right now. We're still reeling a bit from our Florida trip, and have had a bunch of expenses come due simultaneously - seminars, registration for school, car insurance, credit cards. And the visit to the tax man wasn't exactly reassuring.
The kids disco isn't too much of a challenge - I bought a bunch of tickets to give away, but everyone seems to be busy! And we can spend some reasonable amount on snacks, face painting, and the all-important photo op with - ahem! - Hello Kitty. These are all experiences vs. stuff, and basically affordable. Bob is providing the sound system and music, and the kids are really looking forward to dancing and seeing their friends.
The tough part will come with the Gala tonite, and the silent auction. The catalog is filled with many tempting items that probably won't be cheap. There are a few experiences (gift certificates, tickets, etc.) and we'll try to focus on those. I have the impression that we're not the only ones cutting back this year, and I worry about how well the fundraiser will turn out. I'll sit down with Bob today and come up with a budget and some parameters. Of course the last time I tried that, I had a few too many martinis and didn't realize how many things I was bidding on and didn't I just "win" them all ! The gift certificates are still here, but now they've expired.
Aaaarrrrgh. Them's the breaks, matey!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Great job purging! Now let's binge!
Friday I wandered the aisles of the Salvation Army Store downtown. An upside of the downturn: they've inherited decent store fixtures, so everything is fairly neat and orderly. Too many clothes to go through, which is fine. A bit of disincentive is a good thing. They had lots of games , toys, shoes, etc. which was impressive for a Friday. (They generally have the new stuff out on Mondays and Tuesdays (you didn't hear it from me.) I picked up a couple of pairs of kids mittens, but didn't find anything else that met the new standards of need vs. want. And I had little or no cash with me, and they have a minimum for credit card sales, so I left with nothing. Nada. It wasn't as elating as I'd thought; for some reason it made me a little depressed looking at all the stuff, the assorted detritus of imagined needs and insatiable wants. Apparently it was enough to make me wax poetic. Sorry 'bout that.
Much of my weekend was spent mercilessly culling possessions - and it felt good. I rearranged the kids' room. I got rid of over half of my clothes, 4 crates of books, and assorted junk. The kids clothing will go to a swap my church is having on March 1st. Some books were donated, others will enter the stream of borrow/lend at our local coffee shop. I keep hoping that with less stuff to keep organized, day to day life will be a little easier. It's rather gratifying.
Today X and I did a few errands, then went to a neighborhood playdate. For some reason he wasn't into it, and we didn't last long. We swung by the Social Security office but the line was too long. I just need a replacement card, not to wait for an hour with a squirmy preschooler in a crowded office. Since we were downtown anyways... And since L has a birthday this week... And X wanted to help pick out a birthday present...
Insert your favorite justification here:
So back to the Salvation Army, although were supposed to stay upstairs in the secondhand store part. (Downstairs has more samples and closeouts, so aren't exactly used, and it feels like a cop-out.) For $3, a nice dart board. A couple of movies, a buck each. For $2 a playground for Littlest Pet Shop creatures. And a frame for $2, so I can start displaying some of that amazing kid art, rather than letting it accumulate in piles that get unintentionally ruined/recycled. But I draw the line at used stuffed toys, and we were in search of puppies although we'd rather have a real one...
Two cuddly dogs, $2 each. Two mini car sets, $2 each. A fully poseable horseback riding doll for a friend's stable, $3. A magnetic toy set for the preschool, $5. You should sense a theme... Such a bargain! I like to buy for others. But mostly I just like to buy. Admitting it is half the battle; I guess the rest of it is simply blogworthy.
I'm waiting for the guilt to kick in.
Much of my weekend was spent mercilessly culling possessions - and it felt good. I rearranged the kids' room. I got rid of over half of my clothes, 4 crates of books, and assorted junk. The kids clothing will go to a swap my church is having on March 1st. Some books were donated, others will enter the stream of borrow/lend at our local coffee shop. I keep hoping that with less stuff to keep organized, day to day life will be a little easier. It's rather gratifying.
Today X and I did a few errands, then went to a neighborhood playdate. For some reason he wasn't into it, and we didn't last long. We swung by the Social Security office but the line was too long. I just need a replacement card, not to wait for an hour with a squirmy preschooler in a crowded office. Since we were downtown anyways... And since L has a birthday this week... And X wanted to help pick out a birthday present...
Insert your favorite justification here:
So back to the Salvation Army, although were supposed to stay upstairs in the secondhand store part. (Downstairs has more samples and closeouts, so aren't exactly used, and it feels like a cop-out.) For $3, a nice dart board. A couple of movies, a buck each. For $2 a playground for Littlest Pet Shop creatures. And a frame for $2, so I can start displaying some of that amazing kid art, rather than letting it accumulate in piles that get unintentionally ruined/recycled. But I draw the line at used stuffed toys, and we were in search of puppies although we'd rather have a real one...
Two cuddly dogs, $2 each. Two mini car sets, $2 each. A fully poseable horseback riding doll for a friend's stable, $3. A magnetic toy set for the preschool, $5. You should sense a theme... Such a bargain! I like to buy for others. But mostly I just like to buy. Admitting it is half the battle; I guess the rest of it is simply blogworthy.
I'm waiting for the guilt to kick in.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I haven't really thought this thing through....
So I took a chance and went to Target yesterday with my son. And left only with groceries and a slightly virtuous feeling. Yes, he asked to get a toy but was happy with a bagel. I am not a parent who can't say no - most times I do - but it seems like they always have more asks than I have answers. I often talk about developmentally-appropriate-but-still-annoying behaviors, and since I subscribe to the theory of life-long learning, I guess that includes me too. Which is partly why I am challenging myself to a year of living minimally.
I'm not sure what made me decide to try this out. I had talked with various friends about it, but never seriously considered cutting back on my accumulation lifestyle. In my head, if it was a good buy, all was forgiven. But in our small, cluttered 1917 bungalow, the square footage didn't give extra credit for deeply-discounted stuff. And neither did Bob. "I don't care how much it cost, it's still plastic crap we don't need in the house."
I've always had a fascination with ascetics, but not an aspiration to become one. There was a time when everything that mattered most to me fit in a subcompact car. That was when I had to have a more mobile life, frequently moving for school, etc. It's been 11 years since I last moved. And it's starting to show. I make an effort monthly to go through the house and dispassionately acknowledge all the stuff that was truly non-essential. So about once a month I take a trunkload to Goodwill - usually when the kids aren't around to talk me out of this toy or that stuffed animal. I feel better, slightly simplified BUT IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE that I can perceive. Our house is still mostly our stuff with a roof on it. (RIP George Carlin!)
Which leads me to have to acknowledge my consumption patterns - something I haven't always been mindful of. There are a few things that we actually need and shop in particular to acquire them. But the vast majority of purchases I make are more of the what's-out-there and is-it-on -sale? variety.
This is the part where I shamelessly admit my gender stereotypes about shopping style. Although I have known exceptions, I still feel that the majority of women are shopping for entertainment and opportunity purposes and the social aspect is a side benefit. Men, on the other hand, go shopping for particular items and make it a seek-and-acquire stealth mission. Think about how rarely you hear men say they are going shopping without specifying what they're looking for.
I believe that there are some evolutionary reasons beyond this difference. This is somewhat based in evolutionary psychology but rings true because I have said it often enough to believe it myself, and I am all about the b.s. ability. In the time of cave-men-women-people (persons of cave???) the hunter/gatherer society was based on men hunting and women gathering. Considering how difficult it was to track and kill game, it took several men quite a bit of time before they even sighted game, much less got off a decent shot. And with dull spears, a deer might be wounded and they would follow the trail of blood for days. This required the men to be mostly silent and focused on a single goal. Meanwhile, the women would be back at camp, minding the children, gathering berries, looking out for predators, making clothing, preparing food - all of it requiring social interaction and multi-tasking. Fast forward a few millenia to the mall, and it all makes sense.
There is something alluring about bargains that feels like a success story for the hunter/gatherer. Granted, I'm not usually in survival mode when I'm perusing the clearance aisles at our local Target. Unless I go to our less-than-savory Targhetto, where I'm a bit more imperiled.
To some extent, swearing off buying new will force me to use my shopping wiles more, not less, because I will have to be more planful and resourceful. That will be gratifying, along with the knowledge I am doing what I can to reduce consuming new products to support our lifestyle. If I have to spend more time and energy acquiring things second-hand, perhaps the process of shopping will limit itself. Mindless consumption isn't an option.
For those of you shaking your heads and saying "Good luck with that!" , some caveats:
Of course I have a family that needs food, medicine, a home in good repair, etc. so some things are not negotiable. It's the wants that will be held to the standard of buying second-hand only.
Raw materials for repairs, crafts etc. will be excluded - provided every effort is made to make do with what we already have.
My kids will need school supplies, uniforms, and shoes. I'll try to buy from second-hand, garage sales, etc. but it's unlikely that will be sufficient.
At this point I haven't bought anything other than groceries. It's probably a good thing that I didn't think this through ahead of time, as I would have been tempted to "stock up". It's a family trait to be a packrat, especially with presents, rainy day activities, and all things crafty. So I have a stockpile already. Some challenges I've identified already: greeting cards. Yes, I have boxes of stamps and paper to make my own. But hauling out all that stuff is not exactly a last-minute project. I'll have to plan in advance and have a bunch made to choose from. That's manageable. I've also set the bar pretty low, as '08 was The Year That Thoughtful Gestures Forgot. I used to be a much nicer person. Or at least a person with more niceties. Who knew?
I'm not sure what made me decide to try this out. I had talked with various friends about it, but never seriously considered cutting back on my accumulation lifestyle. In my head, if it was a good buy, all was forgiven. But in our small, cluttered 1917 bungalow, the square footage didn't give extra credit for deeply-discounted stuff. And neither did Bob. "I don't care how much it cost, it's still plastic crap we don't need in the house."
I've always had a fascination with ascetics, but not an aspiration to become one. There was a time when everything that mattered most to me fit in a subcompact car. That was when I had to have a more mobile life, frequently moving for school, etc. It's been 11 years since I last moved. And it's starting to show. I make an effort monthly to go through the house and dispassionately acknowledge all the stuff that was truly non-essential. So about once a month I take a trunkload to Goodwill - usually when the kids aren't around to talk me out of this toy or that stuffed animal. I feel better, slightly simplified BUT IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE that I can perceive. Our house is still mostly our stuff with a roof on it. (RIP George Carlin!)
Which leads me to have to acknowledge my consumption patterns - something I haven't always been mindful of. There are a few things that we actually need and shop in particular to acquire them. But the vast majority of purchases I make are more of the what's-out-there and is-it-on -sale? variety.
This is the part where I shamelessly admit my gender stereotypes about shopping style. Although I have known exceptions, I still feel that the majority of women are shopping for entertainment and opportunity purposes and the social aspect is a side benefit. Men, on the other hand, go shopping for particular items and make it a seek-and-acquire stealth mission. Think about how rarely you hear men say they are going shopping without specifying what they're looking for.
I believe that there are some evolutionary reasons beyond this difference. This is somewhat based in evolutionary psychology but rings true because I have said it often enough to believe it myself, and I am all about the b.s. ability. In the time of cave-men-women-people (persons of cave???) the hunter/gatherer society was based on men hunting and women gathering. Considering how difficult it was to track and kill game, it took several men quite a bit of time before they even sighted game, much less got off a decent shot. And with dull spears, a deer might be wounded and they would follow the trail of blood for days. This required the men to be mostly silent and focused on a single goal. Meanwhile, the women would be back at camp, minding the children, gathering berries, looking out for predators, making clothing, preparing food - all of it requiring social interaction and multi-tasking. Fast forward a few millenia to the mall, and it all makes sense.
There is something alluring about bargains that feels like a success story for the hunter/gatherer. Granted, I'm not usually in survival mode when I'm perusing the clearance aisles at our local Target. Unless I go to our less-than-savory Targhetto, where I'm a bit more imperiled.
To some extent, swearing off buying new will force me to use my shopping wiles more, not less, because I will have to be more planful and resourceful. That will be gratifying, along with the knowledge I am doing what I can to reduce consuming new products to support our lifestyle. If I have to spend more time and energy acquiring things second-hand, perhaps the process of shopping will limit itself. Mindless consumption isn't an option.
For those of you shaking your heads and saying "Good luck with that!" , some caveats:
Of course I have a family that needs food, medicine, a home in good repair, etc. so some things are not negotiable. It's the wants that will be held to the standard of buying second-hand only.
Raw materials for repairs, crafts etc. will be excluded - provided every effort is made to make do with what we already have.
My kids will need school supplies, uniforms, and shoes. I'll try to buy from second-hand, garage sales, etc. but it's unlikely that will be sufficient.
At this point I haven't bought anything other than groceries. It's probably a good thing that I didn't think this through ahead of time, as I would have been tempted to "stock up". It's a family trait to be a packrat, especially with presents, rainy day activities, and all things crafty. So I have a stockpile already. Some challenges I've identified already: greeting cards. Yes, I have boxes of stamps and paper to make my own. But hauling out all that stuff is not exactly a last-minute project. I'll have to plan in advance and have a bunch made to choose from. That's manageable. I've also set the bar pretty low, as '08 was The Year That Thoughtful Gestures Forgot. I used to be a much nicer person. Or at least a person with more niceties. Who knew?
Monday, January 5, 2009
Starting Out...
Welcome to 2009 and although I hesitate to call them resolutions, this is the time when I tend to (over)evaluate how I am doing. This is beyond the level of status update, i.e. Facebook, that seems to encourage pithy superficial phrases in the third person. It's more of a look at how my day to day choices reflect my values. Of course now that we're shaping the next generation, it becomes a battle of guilt vs. sanctimony - step right up, everyone is a winner.
Part of this year's Christmas preparation was having the kids help me round up a trunkload of clothes, toys, and books we'd outgrown and bringing it all to Goodwill. We had a surprisingly good time with this project and it got me thinking - why not celebrate the other end of the consumption spectrum? Too much whining energy goes into the "gimme" phase, where tired parents give in on occasion just to get a tad bit of peace and quiet.
Full disclosure here: my name is Karen and I'm a shopaholic. Hi, Karen!
According to my charming husband Bob, I buy toys like a divorced dad. And I don't think he meant it as a compliment. To me or to divorced dads. This has become a capital-I Issue.
Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up:
I am, at heart, a cheapskate. Compliment me on a new sweater, you'll be greeted with "Like it? Garage sale! 2 bucks!" (Insert the universal symbol for oversharing HERE.) There is something vindicating about buying things on extreme sale - the thrill of the hunt rides roughshod over the question: Do I really need this? It's classic consumer thinking - a deal too good to pass up, who cares if I don't need an elaborately beaded quilted down tea cozy? It's 90% off!
So my inherent frugality doesn't result in less stuff, but more cheap stuff. This is also an Issue.
Why do I shop? Occasionally it is a source of entertainment, a way to kill time, a default value. I'm not proud, but I am a tired stay at home mom. Plastic rocket launcher with light up foam rocket: $4. Keeping several preschoolers entertained for a few hours on a rainy weekend at camp: priceless.
All justifications aside, this has resulted in displeasing the spousal unit. Nothing ruins a homecoming in our humble abode like the banshee call of "Look what Mom bought us!" And now the kids have picked up on it, they ammend their requests to include the caveat "We won't tell Dad!" Not exactly a healthy dynamic to set up, unless of course I'm trying to assist future therapists everywhere by providing a steady stream of clients.
And then there's the internal/infernal inconsistency: I am always saying we should value people and experiences over things. My rant about relatives sending too many presents isn't unique. I have made some inroads: encouraging grandparents to get the family a membership to the zoo or children's museum as a gift of year-long entertainment. In Minnesota, indoor activity options are essential to survival 6 months of the year. Think The Shining, people.
So time for me to address my own toy-giving tendencies. To best limit my chances of lasting behavioral change, I've decided on overkill. Yup, I'm going to work out every day too. Here's what I've come up with:
For one year, I will not buy anything new. Nada. Of course groceries are excluded. If I need something, I will either make do with existing stuff, or buy it second hand. We're still in negotiations about whether the samples at Salvation Army qualify... That's a whole 'nother entry. And I have to go work out. Really.
Coming up:
- Benefits of Hypomanic States re: Housekeeping
- Talking with Mary Beth and Tim, who have actually done a year already...
- How to get the kids to sign on, as it is VOLUNTARY simplicity, right?
- Best places to find second-hand stuff in the Twin Cities.
- Reactions from others.
Part of this year's Christmas preparation was having the kids help me round up a trunkload of clothes, toys, and books we'd outgrown and bringing it all to Goodwill. We had a surprisingly good time with this project and it got me thinking - why not celebrate the other end of the consumption spectrum? Too much whining energy goes into the "gimme" phase, where tired parents give in on occasion just to get a tad bit of peace and quiet.
Full disclosure here: my name is Karen and I'm a shopaholic. Hi, Karen!
According to my charming husband Bob, I buy toys like a divorced dad. And I don't think he meant it as a compliment. To me or to divorced dads. This has become a capital-I Issue.
Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up:
I am, at heart, a cheapskate. Compliment me on a new sweater, you'll be greeted with "Like it? Garage sale! 2 bucks!" (Insert the universal symbol for oversharing HERE.) There is something vindicating about buying things on extreme sale - the thrill of the hunt rides roughshod over the question: Do I really need this? It's classic consumer thinking - a deal too good to pass up, who cares if I don't need an elaborately beaded quilted down tea cozy? It's 90% off!
So my inherent frugality doesn't result in less stuff, but more cheap stuff. This is also an Issue.
Why do I shop? Occasionally it is a source of entertainment, a way to kill time, a default value. I'm not proud, but I am a tired stay at home mom. Plastic rocket launcher with light up foam rocket: $4. Keeping several preschoolers entertained for a few hours on a rainy weekend at camp: priceless.
All justifications aside, this has resulted in displeasing the spousal unit. Nothing ruins a homecoming in our humble abode like the banshee call of "Look what Mom bought us!" And now the kids have picked up on it, they ammend their requests to include the caveat "We won't tell Dad!" Not exactly a healthy dynamic to set up, unless of course I'm trying to assist future therapists everywhere by providing a steady stream of clients.
And then there's the internal/infernal inconsistency: I am always saying we should value people and experiences over things. My rant about relatives sending too many presents isn't unique. I have made some inroads: encouraging grandparents to get the family a membership to the zoo or children's museum as a gift of year-long entertainment. In Minnesota, indoor activity options are essential to survival 6 months of the year. Think The Shining, people.
So time for me to address my own toy-giving tendencies. To best limit my chances of lasting behavioral change, I've decided on overkill. Yup, I'm going to work out every day too. Here's what I've come up with:
For one year, I will not buy anything new. Nada. Of course groceries are excluded. If I need something, I will either make do with existing stuff, or buy it second hand. We're still in negotiations about whether the samples at Salvation Army qualify... That's a whole 'nother entry. And I have to go work out. Really.
Coming up:
- Benefits of Hypomanic States re: Housekeeping
- Talking with Mary Beth and Tim, who have actually done a year already...
- How to get the kids to sign on, as it is VOLUNTARY simplicity, right?
- Best places to find second-hand stuff in the Twin Cities.
- Reactions from others.
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