Did anyone notice an atmospheric disturbance today? Sort of a sonic boom?? Yeah, that was me. Falling off the wagon.
Just to show you how disorienting back-to-school is, I was facing an ENTIRE DAY from 8 to 2:30 - with nothing scheduled. Adding to my novel freedom - the house was clean. Minimal laundry remained. Way too many projects but not much motivation to even choose one, much less complete it. What to do?
My dear friend Nina was up for 'lunch & whatever' but just had to make a trip to Kohl's to see if there were any must-have's. She had a coupon. There were sales. I didn't need anything in particular, so I thought I'd just be the helpful friend / comic relief.
(This is where I was going to write an amusing anecdote about Nina's shopping history. She begged me not to.)
The first thing I put in the cart I didn't intend to buy, really, but it was such a nice shirt for Bob, and I didn't get him anything for our anniversary and obviously had some unresolved guilt issues. I thought I'd just wander around with it for a while, before I wisely reconsidered. Bob is one of those people who really doesn't get excited about "gifts & crap" - he's equally noncommittal if I spend a bunch of time/money on the perfect whatchamacallit or just find something interesting at a yard sale. But some of his shirts could stand to be retired... So the justifications went.
Nina loves a bargain more than I do. She cruised the clearance racks - 60 to 80% off, plus she had a coupon for an additional 30% off. My math skills are kinda rusty, but doesn't that mean they owe you??? Lots of great deals, happy colors, but I resisted. For the first couple of hours.
We all have our limits. Not only did I meet mine, I invited it in for a nice long chat of mostly justifications. My tipping point? Dana Buchman.
Now I haven't shopped higher end stores for a while - or strayed from under my rock - so she was new to me. And I simply wasn't aware that she was designing exclusively for me. Seriously - colors, cut, fabric - I squealed. Repeatedly. And once that first dress was off the clearance rack and in the cart, others followed. Just like going off a diet and figuring after the first feedbag of cookies (hands free!), what's another 2 or 3? One sweater. Three tops. A glorious dress. All unbelievably cheap.
I EVEN FOUND A PAIR OF JEANS. This was a miraculous happening indeed.
I was heady with the hypomanic high of misbehavior. We had a heap at the checkout. And, surprisingly enough, I had little remorse. I joked about at least I'd have something to blog about...
Sound too good to be true? Yup - coupon wasn't good til tomorrow. They've got my things on hold; giving me nearly a full day to reconsider. Or re-justify.
So... Gentle Reader, should I walk away? What is this project worth? The jury is still out on this one. Operators are standing by.
And, oh yeah, they open at 8.
Showing posts with label shopping addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shopping addiction. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Admitting it is the first step on the long journey to hell down the road paved with good intentions.
My name is Karen and I am powerless over plastic.
Hi Karen.
This is Minnesota, Land of 10,000 Support Groups. I'd probably fit into a few different ones, actually: Codependent, Emotional Eating, Compulsive Shopping, etc.
Did you hear about the codependent who had a near-death experience?
Her husband's life flashed before her very eyes....
Although I've always been inclined toward twisted humor, my chosen profession hasn't helped. And having children has further eroded that filter between what I think and what I actually blurt out. It ain't pretty.
But I digress...
Yesterday I had planned to take a friend to the Salvation Army and -get this - just not buy anything. Bob and I had yet another discussion about the proliferation of toys - regardless of new/used - is still consumption. And that for as much as I've been getting rid of our belongings, other things were inexorably creeping in to take their place. The accidental emphasis on acquiring things doesn't really mesh with what we'd hoped to teach our children. All true, valid points, I must admit.
X and I needed to clear out of the house for a while, as Nady our cleaning lady was at work. We did a couple of errands, attended a playgroup, generally killing time. I got a phone call from my friend saying she wasn't up to an outing. Faced with a change in plans, I go to default settings i.e. shopping. In my defense, the purpose was to find X some shoes - he is growing out of his sneakers, leaving him with only moon boots or sandals as options. Not quite enough for the hateful weather of March.
We went to Goodwill and struck out. Nothing in his size. Didn't look for anything else. Managed to escape the toy aisle and video shelf unscathed.
I wasn't up to dealing with Savers, which is probably a cop-out. So off to the Salvation Army. First we checked upstairs which has a good used shoe section, but no luck. Downstairs had a bunch of cool shoes, including a pair of Chuck Taylor's with skulls, a full size too big but hey, for $4 I decided I would get them anyway. At first glance the toy shelves seemed to have the same zillion copies of High School Musical Trivia (redundant much?) , and a few other things that weren't too tempting. I was fondling the decorator pillows and lovely quilts, and telling myself a zillion reasons why we didn't need them, when Xavier lets out a screech of triumph. Some dusty back of the bin discovery - a Playmobil firefighting helicopter. That actually squirts water. For $2.
Don't judge me too harshly. It might have been possible to walk away, but my hope in doing so was shot when there were more sets - a fire engine, extra firefighters with all the safety gear, yet another helicopter, and a pirate ship. I may have blacked out. I filled my shopping cart.
It's another attack of Miniature Mania, although this is worse because I never even had access to all the boy-oriented toys. 3 inch tall pirates, with teeny swords? Playmobil rocks. It just does. And at 75% off? Please.
Then I found more Fiskar scissors for the preschool ($1) so we can get rid of the pairs we started with in 1958. And an awesome Schwinn bicycle helmet, in my daughter's size and colors, for $4 - nicer than the one I looked at last year for $20.
Total damage? $42 Guilt: priceless.
We did a ding-dong ditch of 3 of the Playmobil sets at a friend's house. Much better than a flaming bag of dog poo, I reckon. I let X have the helicopter and L her helmet. The pirate ship still founders in the trunk, listing to port. I haven't decided, and more importantly, X hasn't remembered.
Lest I put this all in the category of a small indiscretion, let's review the facts as presented. Even if it's from a thrift store, it's still stuff. Even worse, new stuff. Even at 75% off, I could have saved 100% by walking away. Buying it and giving it away is still buying, consuming, getting a fix, giving in to the high of the bargain hunt. And none of today's purchases met the necessity test.
Let's examine the fact I haven't yet presented but which weighs heavily on all of this.
Our cleaning lady, Natividad Hernandez, tearfully told me yesterday that she is returning (again) to Guatemala to take care of her ailing mother, and she's not sure for how long. Between her own health problems and taking many weeks off for visits, she's missed a lot of work and apparently quit her second job fairly recently. (My Spanish is minimal, as is her English, but we get by. Or at least I thought I understood.) Once she returns from helping her mother die, she'll be going straight to Chicago. To stay with her boyfriend, her stuff is en route already. All because her house got foreclosed and she was literally kicked to the curb this weekend. So I'm filling my house with crap while the woman who cleans it loses her own.
I feel like shit. As is only befitting. And I won't be going shopping for a while.
Hi Karen.
This is Minnesota, Land of 10,000 Support Groups. I'd probably fit into a few different ones, actually: Codependent, Emotional Eating, Compulsive Shopping, etc.
Did you hear about the codependent who had a near-death experience?
Her husband's life flashed before her very eyes....
Although I've always been inclined toward twisted humor, my chosen profession hasn't helped. And having children has further eroded that filter between what I think and what I actually blurt out. It ain't pretty.
But I digress...
Yesterday I had planned to take a friend to the Salvation Army and -get this - just not buy anything. Bob and I had yet another discussion about the proliferation of toys - regardless of new/used - is still consumption. And that for as much as I've been getting rid of our belongings, other things were inexorably creeping in to take their place. The accidental emphasis on acquiring things doesn't really mesh with what we'd hoped to teach our children. All true, valid points, I must admit.
X and I needed to clear out of the house for a while, as Nady our cleaning lady was at work. We did a couple of errands, attended a playgroup, generally killing time. I got a phone call from my friend saying she wasn't up to an outing. Faced with a change in plans, I go to default settings i.e. shopping. In my defense, the purpose was to find X some shoes - he is growing out of his sneakers, leaving him with only moon boots or sandals as options. Not quite enough for the hateful weather of March.
We went to Goodwill and struck out. Nothing in his size. Didn't look for anything else. Managed to escape the toy aisle and video shelf unscathed.
I wasn't up to dealing with Savers, which is probably a cop-out. So off to the Salvation Army. First we checked upstairs which has a good used shoe section, but no luck. Downstairs had a bunch of cool shoes, including a pair of Chuck Taylor's with skulls, a full size too big but hey, for $4 I decided I would get them anyway. At first glance the toy shelves seemed to have the same zillion copies of High School Musical Trivia (redundant much?) , and a few other things that weren't too tempting. I was fondling the decorator pillows and lovely quilts, and telling myself a zillion reasons why we didn't need them, when Xavier lets out a screech of triumph. Some dusty back of the bin discovery - a Playmobil firefighting helicopter. That actually squirts water. For $2.
Don't judge me too harshly. It might have been possible to walk away, but my hope in doing so was shot when there were more sets - a fire engine, extra firefighters with all the safety gear, yet another helicopter, and a pirate ship. I may have blacked out. I filled my shopping cart.
It's another attack of Miniature Mania, although this is worse because I never even had access to all the boy-oriented toys. 3 inch tall pirates, with teeny swords? Playmobil rocks. It just does. And at 75% off? Please.
Then I found more Fiskar scissors for the preschool ($1) so we can get rid of the pairs we started with in 1958. And an awesome Schwinn bicycle helmet, in my daughter's size and colors, for $4 - nicer than the one I looked at last year for $20.
Total damage? $42 Guilt: priceless.
We did a ding-dong ditch of 3 of the Playmobil sets at a friend's house. Much better than a flaming bag of dog poo, I reckon. I let X have the helicopter and L her helmet. The pirate ship still founders in the trunk, listing to port. I haven't decided, and more importantly, X hasn't remembered.
Lest I put this all in the category of a small indiscretion, let's review the facts as presented. Even if it's from a thrift store, it's still stuff. Even worse, new stuff. Even at 75% off, I could have saved 100% by walking away. Buying it and giving it away is still buying, consuming, getting a fix, giving in to the high of the bargain hunt. And none of today's purchases met the necessity test.
Let's examine the fact I haven't yet presented but which weighs heavily on all of this.
Our cleaning lady, Natividad Hernandez, tearfully told me yesterday that she is returning (again) to Guatemala to take care of her ailing mother, and she's not sure for how long. Between her own health problems and taking many weeks off for visits, she's missed a lot of work and apparently quit her second job fairly recently. (My Spanish is minimal, as is her English, but we get by. Or at least I thought I understood.) Once she returns from helping her mother die, she'll be going straight to Chicago. To stay with her boyfriend, her stuff is en route already. All because her house got foreclosed and she was literally kicked to the curb this weekend. So I'm filling my house with crap while the woman who cleans it loses her own.
I feel like shit. As is only befitting. And I won't be going shopping for a while.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
I'm just running out for milk...
... it may take me a few years to find my way home. Tempting, but no. This of course would be a great time for a little retail therapy. How many times have you heard the justification "Well, it's cheaper than therapy!" I mean from people other than me. ..
Shopping as an experience - rather than necessity - seems more common than I realized. It's ingrained early. My children are showing enormous amounts of brand loyalty already, and they only watch public television. Think back to those teen years, before the era of coffee shops but after the roller rinks closed. What was there to do? A movie, perhaps, if you had the money. Cruising the Elmwood strip, if one of you was driving a reasonably cool car. But to kill any number of hours on a budget, you just can't beat hanging out at the mall. Going shopping and being social were closely entertwined during those formative years. I still feel weird going to the mall by myself. I do the nervous talking thing with over-friendly salesclerks, and I'm aware they feel sorry for me.
The other major theme about shopping as an experience is that it's a hopeful one. If only I had just perfect festive plates and matching ice-bucket, I'd be sure to entertain more. My life would be easier with a purse with the right configuration of pockets. Buying fabric and yarn is a way of endorsing your eventual creativity, without actually doing anything. I have more supplies and inspiration than I'll ever get to in a lifetime. It's true. This year, however, I hope to put a dent in the stockpiles and avoid accumulating more. Plus, I'll have to look at making presents. For some reason people are more forgiving of a handmade item than a second-hand one. Show of hands: have you regifted ever? Was it only when you thought you could do it undetected??? I'm proud to be cheap when procuring for myself or my family, but I'd always like to be considered generous and thoughtful around gift giving. Of course some folks are impossible to buy for, as they already have all the best of whatever they might need, including impeccable taste. Daunting enough to dampen the Christmas spirit in people not the least bit Grinchy.
I know that this year I enjoyed Christmas more because I had most of the buying done, and even mailed off a few packages prior to Thanksgiving. I had been buying things throughout the year, and I'm sure I might have done well at the sales, but just being done was even better. Of course I have this genetic flaw of buying things and hiding them too well, or plain forgetting about them, and purchasing too much. (When I was 20 my mom gave me the nicest selection of kids books she had unearthed from her closet.) So, partly to keep me honest and aware of purchases, I'm going to make an effort to list what I've bought/spent.
Hawthorne Effect disclaimer: Observing phenomena tends to change it. This means that trying to be accountable in the blogosphere will make me more aware of my buying behavior enough to motivate me to be especially thrifty. (brave, loyal... etc.) Hence the thinking behind keeping a record of exercise and dietary intake, which I will never do. I like the temporary amnesia that allows me a second helping because I forgot about the Ben n' Jerry Incident earlier. That's wrong why?
Shopping as an experience - rather than necessity - seems more common than I realized. It's ingrained early. My children are showing enormous amounts of brand loyalty already, and they only watch public television. Think back to those teen years, before the era of coffee shops but after the roller rinks closed. What was there to do? A movie, perhaps, if you had the money. Cruising the Elmwood strip, if one of you was driving a reasonably cool car. But to kill any number of hours on a budget, you just can't beat hanging out at the mall. Going shopping and being social were closely entertwined during those formative years. I still feel weird going to the mall by myself. I do the nervous talking thing with over-friendly salesclerks, and I'm aware they feel sorry for me.
The other major theme about shopping as an experience is that it's a hopeful one. If only I had just perfect festive plates and matching ice-bucket, I'd be sure to entertain more. My life would be easier with a purse with the right configuration of pockets. Buying fabric and yarn is a way of endorsing your eventual creativity, without actually doing anything. I have more supplies and inspiration than I'll ever get to in a lifetime. It's true. This year, however, I hope to put a dent in the stockpiles and avoid accumulating more. Plus, I'll have to look at making presents. For some reason people are more forgiving of a handmade item than a second-hand one. Show of hands: have you regifted ever? Was it only when you thought you could do it undetected??? I'm proud to be cheap when procuring for myself or my family, but I'd always like to be considered generous and thoughtful around gift giving. Of course some folks are impossible to buy for, as they already have all the best of whatever they might need, including impeccable taste. Daunting enough to dampen the Christmas spirit in people not the least bit Grinchy.
I know that this year I enjoyed Christmas more because I had most of the buying done, and even mailed off a few packages prior to Thanksgiving. I had been buying things throughout the year, and I'm sure I might have done well at the sales, but just being done was even better. Of course I have this genetic flaw of buying things and hiding them too well, or plain forgetting about them, and purchasing too much. (When I was 20 my mom gave me the nicest selection of kids books she had unearthed from her closet.) So, partly to keep me honest and aware of purchases, I'm going to make an effort to list what I've bought/spent.
Hawthorne Effect disclaimer: Observing phenomena tends to change it. This means that trying to be accountable in the blogosphere will make me more aware of my buying behavior enough to motivate me to be especially thrifty. (brave, loyal... etc.) Hence the thinking behind keeping a record of exercise and dietary intake, which I will never do. I like the temporary amnesia that allows me a second helping because I forgot about the Ben n' Jerry Incident earlier. That's wrong why?
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I haven't really thought this thing through....
So I took a chance and went to Target yesterday with my son. And left only with groceries and a slightly virtuous feeling. Yes, he asked to get a toy but was happy with a bagel. I am not a parent who can't say no - most times I do - but it seems like they always have more asks than I have answers. I often talk about developmentally-appropriate-but-still-annoying behaviors, and since I subscribe to the theory of life-long learning, I guess that includes me too. Which is partly why I am challenging myself to a year of living minimally.
I'm not sure what made me decide to try this out. I had talked with various friends about it, but never seriously considered cutting back on my accumulation lifestyle. In my head, if it was a good buy, all was forgiven. But in our small, cluttered 1917 bungalow, the square footage didn't give extra credit for deeply-discounted stuff. And neither did Bob. "I don't care how much it cost, it's still plastic crap we don't need in the house."
I've always had a fascination with ascetics, but not an aspiration to become one. There was a time when everything that mattered most to me fit in a subcompact car. That was when I had to have a more mobile life, frequently moving for school, etc. It's been 11 years since I last moved. And it's starting to show. I make an effort monthly to go through the house and dispassionately acknowledge all the stuff that was truly non-essential. So about once a month I take a trunkload to Goodwill - usually when the kids aren't around to talk me out of this toy or that stuffed animal. I feel better, slightly simplified BUT IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE that I can perceive. Our house is still mostly our stuff with a roof on it. (RIP George Carlin!)
Which leads me to have to acknowledge my consumption patterns - something I haven't always been mindful of. There are a few things that we actually need and shop in particular to acquire them. But the vast majority of purchases I make are more of the what's-out-there and is-it-on -sale? variety.
This is the part where I shamelessly admit my gender stereotypes about shopping style. Although I have known exceptions, I still feel that the majority of women are shopping for entertainment and opportunity purposes and the social aspect is a side benefit. Men, on the other hand, go shopping for particular items and make it a seek-and-acquire stealth mission. Think about how rarely you hear men say they are going shopping without specifying what they're looking for.
I believe that there are some evolutionary reasons beyond this difference. This is somewhat based in evolutionary psychology but rings true because I have said it often enough to believe it myself, and I am all about the b.s. ability. In the time of cave-men-women-people (persons of cave???) the hunter/gatherer society was based on men hunting and women gathering. Considering how difficult it was to track and kill game, it took several men quite a bit of time before they even sighted game, much less got off a decent shot. And with dull spears, a deer might be wounded and they would follow the trail of blood for days. This required the men to be mostly silent and focused on a single goal. Meanwhile, the women would be back at camp, minding the children, gathering berries, looking out for predators, making clothing, preparing food - all of it requiring social interaction and multi-tasking. Fast forward a few millenia to the mall, and it all makes sense.
There is something alluring about bargains that feels like a success story for the hunter/gatherer. Granted, I'm not usually in survival mode when I'm perusing the clearance aisles at our local Target. Unless I go to our less-than-savory Targhetto, where I'm a bit more imperiled.
To some extent, swearing off buying new will force me to use my shopping wiles more, not less, because I will have to be more planful and resourceful. That will be gratifying, along with the knowledge I am doing what I can to reduce consuming new products to support our lifestyle. If I have to spend more time and energy acquiring things second-hand, perhaps the process of shopping will limit itself. Mindless consumption isn't an option.
For those of you shaking your heads and saying "Good luck with that!" , some caveats:
Of course I have a family that needs food, medicine, a home in good repair, etc. so some things are not negotiable. It's the wants that will be held to the standard of buying second-hand only.
Raw materials for repairs, crafts etc. will be excluded - provided every effort is made to make do with what we already have.
My kids will need school supplies, uniforms, and shoes. I'll try to buy from second-hand, garage sales, etc. but it's unlikely that will be sufficient.
At this point I haven't bought anything other than groceries. It's probably a good thing that I didn't think this through ahead of time, as I would have been tempted to "stock up". It's a family trait to be a packrat, especially with presents, rainy day activities, and all things crafty. So I have a stockpile already. Some challenges I've identified already: greeting cards. Yes, I have boxes of stamps and paper to make my own. But hauling out all that stuff is not exactly a last-minute project. I'll have to plan in advance and have a bunch made to choose from. That's manageable. I've also set the bar pretty low, as '08 was The Year That Thoughtful Gestures Forgot. I used to be a much nicer person. Or at least a person with more niceties. Who knew?
I'm not sure what made me decide to try this out. I had talked with various friends about it, but never seriously considered cutting back on my accumulation lifestyle. In my head, if it was a good buy, all was forgiven. But in our small, cluttered 1917 bungalow, the square footage didn't give extra credit for deeply-discounted stuff. And neither did Bob. "I don't care how much it cost, it's still plastic crap we don't need in the house."
I've always had a fascination with ascetics, but not an aspiration to become one. There was a time when everything that mattered most to me fit in a subcompact car. That was when I had to have a more mobile life, frequently moving for school, etc. It's been 11 years since I last moved. And it's starting to show. I make an effort monthly to go through the house and dispassionately acknowledge all the stuff that was truly non-essential. So about once a month I take a trunkload to Goodwill - usually when the kids aren't around to talk me out of this toy or that stuffed animal. I feel better, slightly simplified BUT IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE that I can perceive. Our house is still mostly our stuff with a roof on it. (RIP George Carlin!)
Which leads me to have to acknowledge my consumption patterns - something I haven't always been mindful of. There are a few things that we actually need and shop in particular to acquire them. But the vast majority of purchases I make are more of the what's-out-there and is-it-on -sale? variety.
This is the part where I shamelessly admit my gender stereotypes about shopping style. Although I have known exceptions, I still feel that the majority of women are shopping for entertainment and opportunity purposes and the social aspect is a side benefit. Men, on the other hand, go shopping for particular items and make it a seek-and-acquire stealth mission. Think about how rarely you hear men say they are going shopping without specifying what they're looking for.
I believe that there are some evolutionary reasons beyond this difference. This is somewhat based in evolutionary psychology but rings true because I have said it often enough to believe it myself, and I am all about the b.s. ability. In the time of cave-men-women-people (persons of cave???) the hunter/gatherer society was based on men hunting and women gathering. Considering how difficult it was to track and kill game, it took several men quite a bit of time before they even sighted game, much less got off a decent shot. And with dull spears, a deer might be wounded and they would follow the trail of blood for days. This required the men to be mostly silent and focused on a single goal. Meanwhile, the women would be back at camp, minding the children, gathering berries, looking out for predators, making clothing, preparing food - all of it requiring social interaction and multi-tasking. Fast forward a few millenia to the mall, and it all makes sense.
There is something alluring about bargains that feels like a success story for the hunter/gatherer. Granted, I'm not usually in survival mode when I'm perusing the clearance aisles at our local Target. Unless I go to our less-than-savory Targhetto, where I'm a bit more imperiled.
To some extent, swearing off buying new will force me to use my shopping wiles more, not less, because I will have to be more planful and resourceful. That will be gratifying, along with the knowledge I am doing what I can to reduce consuming new products to support our lifestyle. If I have to spend more time and energy acquiring things second-hand, perhaps the process of shopping will limit itself. Mindless consumption isn't an option.
For those of you shaking your heads and saying "Good luck with that!" , some caveats:
Of course I have a family that needs food, medicine, a home in good repair, etc. so some things are not negotiable. It's the wants that will be held to the standard of buying second-hand only.
Raw materials for repairs, crafts etc. will be excluded - provided every effort is made to make do with what we already have.
My kids will need school supplies, uniforms, and shoes. I'll try to buy from second-hand, garage sales, etc. but it's unlikely that will be sufficient.
At this point I haven't bought anything other than groceries. It's probably a good thing that I didn't think this through ahead of time, as I would have been tempted to "stock up". It's a family trait to be a packrat, especially with presents, rainy day activities, and all things crafty. So I have a stockpile already. Some challenges I've identified already: greeting cards. Yes, I have boxes of stamps and paper to make my own. But hauling out all that stuff is not exactly a last-minute project. I'll have to plan in advance and have a bunch made to choose from. That's manageable. I've also set the bar pretty low, as '08 was The Year That Thoughtful Gestures Forgot. I used to be a much nicer person. Or at least a person with more niceties. Who knew?
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