Things are feeling a bit shaky at Bob's work again. Just out of curiosity I was perusing social work jobs - and the next thing I know I've up and applied for a position on the bone marrow transplant team at Fairview University. I feel like a Luddite; but applying on-line is kinda slick. It was painless. As soon as I hit "submit" though, I began to feel sick to my stomach. It was some gut reaction to even the possibility of change.
First, I was stuck on what if I'm not qualified and didn't get the job... then, the dawning horror of Dear God what if I DO get the job??? I'm ahead of myself. Why put off 'til tomorrow what you can neurotically obsess about right now?
Obviously, we'd feel more secure with 2 incomes. And I'd really like to be in a position to help out more. I just don't know if it will ever feel good to go back to work, even in the ideal job, because of the guilt that time away from the kids will produce. I don't feel I'm juggling my existing duties particularly well. A "fast-paced, challenging job in a collaborative healthcare environment "for another 4o hours a week might just put me over the edge.
I tell people I'd like to go back to work just so I get to go to the bathroom by myself again.
Sigh.
I got the e-mail yesterday. I'm scheduled for a 4-person panel interview on July 1st. Yikes. That sounds serious.
Next challenge: getting a decent interview outfit. And trying not to lose my lunch.
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Holy cow! I really shouldn't have to learn about your big life moments through your blog.
ReplyDeleteSo do you feel like a Luddite (British textile artisans in the early nineteenth century who protested—often by destroying mechanized looms—against the changes produced by the Industrial Revolution, which they felt were leaving them without work.)?
ReplyDeleteOr a Neo-luddite (persons or organizations that resist technological advances)?
Just asking.
Don't forget that you don't have to take a job just because it's been offered. And they are not likely to demand a decision right there at the interview. Good luck!
ReplyDelete